Promoter or saboteur of my life?

Article written by Roxana Ceialacu for Bridging Gaps. 

Each of our lives is a journey between conscious choices and unconscious automatisms. It is a series of decisions and reactions, deeply influenced by our mindset – that "lens" through which we interpret who we are, what we deserve and what is possible for us.

1. Two roles, one actor

Every day, in every decision – big or small – we play one of two roles: either a promoter of our own growth or a saboteur of our own potential.

Over time, I’ve noticed that sometimes I am my biggest supporter, and other times... I become my own greatest obstacle. Not life, not the circumstances, not the people around me - just me.

At any given moment:

·       The promoter within us encourages us to trust, to take risks, to grow and to express ourselves authentically.

·       The saboteur holds us back with fear, shame, perfectionism or comfort-seeking.

And both speak with the same inner voice. But one lifts us up, while the other keeps us in the comfort zone – even when that “safety” actually hurts.

According to psychologist Carol Dweck, there are two fundamental types of mindset:

· Fixed mindset – the belief that abilities, intelligence, and personal worth are fixed and cannot be significantly changed.

· Growth mindset – the belief that we can develop, adapt, and evolve through effort, feedback, discipline, and perseverance.

2. When am I the promoter of my life?

I’m my own promoter when I have clarity – or at least curiosity – about what I want to do, become or experience. It doesn’t have to be a crystal-clear “life purpose,” but it can simply be a thought, a desire that moves me, excites me.

Mindsets and behaviors:

·       I choose courage, even when fear is present.

·       I allow myself to fail, learn, and improve.

·       I say “no” when I need to, and “yes” when I truly feel it.

·       I ask for help without feeling weak.

·       I seriously reflect on what makes me live authentically.

·       I set intentions and goals, broken into real, doable steps.

·       I learn to be flexible and change direction when something no longer resonates with me.

·       I often ask: What small but real step can I take today that brings me closer to my goal?

·       I regularly check the path I’m on. Does it reflect me? Does it feel right? Do I love it?

It’s normal to change my mind or to adjust my goals as I discover new things. I don’t see that as failure, but as growth.

The promoter within me doesn’t seek perfection – it seeks truth, authenticity, and alignment with who I really am.

3. When do I become the saboteur of my life?

There are also moments when I sabotage myself. I tell myself “it’s not the right time,” I wait to be asked, validated, or pushed, I wait for someone else to see in me what I’ve forgotten to see myself.

Mindsets and behaviors:

·       I tell myself: “I’m not good enough” or “Later. Now’s not the time.”

·       I turn down opportunities out of fear.

·       I seek validation before I act.

·       I sabotage my relationships, performance or health through repeated harmful choices.

·       I victimize myself – saying I don’t know enough, it’s too late, or that unless I’m sure it will work out perfectly, I shouldn’t even try. I stay stuck, repeating to myself, “That’s just life,” “Only I have it this hard,” “I’ve just been unlucky,” “I’m just not seen.”

This is the voice of the fixed mindset, which says:

“This is who I am. I can’t change. If it didn’t work, it means I’m not good enough. Better to stop trying.”

That voice is familiar. It’s kept me stuck many times. It made me say “no” to opportunities. It convinced me it wasn’t the right time to take a risk. It always had a logical argument and managed to persuade me to step back.

The saboteur wears many masks: procrastination, sarcasm, self-righteousness, comparison, victimhood, avoidance of effort... or just too many distractions. 😊

4. What can I do better for myself?

I won’t always be the promoter or always the saboteur. But my intention is to lean more often toward the promoter – to take care of myself, to feel well, to live aligned with my values and desires, to stop always putting myself last.

And if sometimes I choose to be a saboteur, let it be a conscious decision, not a habit. Sometimes I’ll make compromises for a greater good or a more suitable context. But I want to recognize those moments, to plan them, and actively contribute to their outcome.

4 essential steps to shift from saboteur to promoter

1. Listen to your inner voice

Is it kind or critical? Does it lift you or drag you down?

·       A harsh, limiting voice → fixed mindset.

·       A kind but firm voice → growth mindset.

What you don’t become aware of, you can’t change.

2. Ask yourself: What would my promoter do?

·       It repositions you as the actor, not the victim.

·       It disrupts automatic patterns and gives you the power of conscious choice.

3. Surround yourself with people who truly see you

·       Positive role models and sincere support strengthen your growth mindset.

·       Your environment matters just as much as your willpower.

4. Take small, intentional steps

·       Small changes create tangible proof that you can evolve.

·       The promoter identity is built through repeated action.

5. Conclusion

Life is not a stage where we play one fixed role. It’s a continuous rehearsal where we learn, more and more often, to choose the version of ourselves that moves us forward.

It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being on your own side.

Train your promoter! Feed your growth mindset!